I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
