Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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