CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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