Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
