Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
