The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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