her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's shark week go big or go home
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
