what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
