You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
