John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
