grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
