You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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