I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
