Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
