I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
