Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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