Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
