i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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