I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
