shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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