i'm lost and i look like a hooker
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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