This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize