Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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