do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
