T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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