Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
