I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
