Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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