and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
