No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i came on her dog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
