I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
