i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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