I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
