just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
