If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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