I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
