return my video game
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
