What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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