Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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