Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My ass is underappreciated
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
