tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize