what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So here I am, sexting at work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
