Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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