Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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