I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
