Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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