I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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