U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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