I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
