im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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