so explain again why im purple
no
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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