At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
