I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
