My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
