OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
