hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
