At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
