She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
