i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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