awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
