just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
