I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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