We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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