He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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