chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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