you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
