I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize