No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
