so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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