im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
