Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't deserve a penis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
