sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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