Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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