I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
