Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
