Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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