Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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