Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
should my penis look like a turkey
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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