Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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