There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
