Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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